I woke up today not knowing who I am anymore.  I’ve somehow lost total interest in everything that used to make me who I was and now I have no idea of what’s left.  I’m not sure there’s even much to look at now that I’ve been stripped of my identity.  I wanted so much for the pain to leave, not realizing that it’s what made me, and now I’m lost. 

I spent so much time at work I got a cold like almost everyone in the kitchen, and now I work 6 days next week and my day off will be spent lying sick in bed, perfect. 

I stopped a friend of mine from doing heroin last night, and what’s more even got him to flush the bag, I feel so fucking happy and proud for him. 

Last night I was making out with a guy who told me to put my finger in his ass and choke him as he jerked himself off, so I did.. then he said he loved me and I laughed in his face, oops. 

Why do I waste so much energy trying to find the words to express my anger when one fucking punch through your skull would send the same message? Fuck. 

I’m not good at living in this society, I just wasn’t built for this shit. 

If only I could do what I wanted in this world.. but everything I want is illegal.  Oh the woes of life. 

So I guess if you make the instructor scream “Stop STOP!” you fail your road test and have to come back in 10 days.

What a fucking pussy, we weren’t even going to die.. crash maybe.

It’s like someone’s slowly sawing off my leg but I rather have it hanging by a few scraps of flesh than to lose it all together. 

I just need to find one other girl that’s like me.. just one.  

One girl who won’t judge me, who’s into a lot of the same things I’m into, who is down to earth and understanding.  If I just had one friend.. I would be ok.  

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I think it would be funny

.. to grab some roadkill and leave it in really awkward places for people to find.  Like if I just moved it to your doorstep, or place it on your swing set, or inside your mailbox, or in a shopping cart at the local supermarket.. or inside of your car.  The options are really endless and up to my creative ability. 

But I guess more people would take it as a subliminal death threat than a joke and my sense of humor is slightly skewed so yeah.. never mind me. 

I would laugh though.  I would laugh really fucking hard at people’s reactions.  Also if you puked yourself, that would probably make my year.. and suddenly after typing this I realize what a terrible person I probably am.

Fucking miserable.

Going to sleep some more, it’s the closest thing I’ve got to not living. 

I just had one thing to look forward to today, and now that’s gone as well. 

And for the record everything has been on a downhill slide.  Every attempt I make to be positive and change things in my favor has not worked out and I’m sick of hoping that it will.

Fuck hope, it just leads you on and kills your spirit in the end.

I really don’t get people sometimes, if you say that it’s not the clothes that causes rape, it’s the rapist.. then why would you say that guns cause violence, would it not be the the person using it?  It’s in the same way that you wouldn’t blame the spoon for making you fat.  And if you say that guns give those who are violent more incentive to be harmful, well.. would your skanky clothing not be doing just the same?  It’s a problem with the person, not the tool, they shouldn’t ban revealing clothing to stop rape anymore than they should ban guns to stop violence. 


I’ve opened my shop today, and here are a few examples of the things that are currently in there.  It’s just a few small things for now but I’ll post more additions as I go along.  Feel free to spread the word around, it would mean a lot to me! :))

http://www.etsy.com/shop/SanguineHorror 

**The prices are fair and it’s 100% vegan friendly**

Have you ever needed to change your panties because you soaked them while reading the list of performing bands?  Because that just happened to me.  

Triton music festival literally has every single one of my top favorite aggrotech bands playing.  My rivethead phase my be over.. but I still love these fuckers to death.

9/10 will be attending. 

Realizing I need help because I can’t do it on my own fucking sucks.  ”Oh but there’s no shame in asking for help.”  Umm.. maybe not for you.